We reached a new financial milestone. We now have enough debt to last us through retirement. Goes to show that with the old-fashioned hard work of overspending and a lack of foresight and planning, you too can live the American dream.
I am trying to get better with money. Work through some issues. I’ve learned we all have a relationship type with money. If I was to explain my relationship type with money, I would call it, “The one that got away.” I lay awake thinking about it at night. The other day I saw money on the arm of another woman, and they looked so happy together. I wondered what ever happened to us? What went wrong? Where did it all go? Now I try and fill the void with cheap plastic credit cards-a void that only money can fill.
I have learned a trick or two about being happy with “No Money.” Although-I won’t lie-“No Money” can be downright annoying. Every room I go into, “No Money” is there. Every restaurant, every clothing store, “No Money” tags along and it can become burdensome.
Here’s 5 positive aspects of having “No Money” around:
- I can use “No Money” as the excuse to get out of doing things I don’t want to do. Friends ask me to a restaurant. Why waste overindulging with friends in a happy environment? If I’m going to overeat, I’d much prefer to indulge home- alone-in the dark. This is where “No Money” comes in. “Sorry, I can’t. I’ve got ‘No Money’ at home.”
- I can use “No Money” to look like a martyr. I can choose to spend money on things that help others and then say, “I had ‘No Money’ but I did it anyway.” This elicits respect and admiration from others.
- I can use “No Money” to sound responsible. When it comes to someone else purchasing an item I can say, “I have ‘No Money’ for frivolous things like that.” If spoken with a hint of superiority and disdain, it makes me appear wiser.
- I can use “No Money” as a scapegoat for my lack of success. If someone better educated, nicer looking, more successful, thinner…etc. walks by I can say, “Well, I could look-act-be-like that if it wasn’t for ‘No Money’.”
- I can easily replace “No Money” with “Some Money,” “A Lot of Money,” “Any Money,” etc., at any given time. I can’t say any of my exes were that easily replaceable.
Stacy Pederson is a Funny Speaker who, unfortunately, is still in an on again/off again relationship with “No Money.” You can hire her for “Some Money,” “A Lot of Money,” or “Any Money.” She’s open to any of these types of relationships.
