Because I Have it all Together, and Other Lies I Want You to Believe About Me
Does the “Great Resignation” have you concerned about losing your employees?
It’s just my opinion but this is something as an owner, manager, CEO, etc., you may want to consider.
Your employees have been through a lot and they are NOT the same. This one word you may be using is an emotional trigger for them.
Stacy Pederson is a funny motivational speaker who has almost died a bunch. Stacy speaks on stress, burnout, happiness and wellness in the workspace.
Ever wonder what life is like for a motivational speaker? Curious about virtual speaking? Get ready with me the morning of doing a virtual presentation. I show you my virtual set up, and how I get ready to present.
You can also get my FREE guide to looking good and feeling great on camera if you are venturing in to make your own videos or wanting to do virtual speaking: https://www.boringtosoaringspeeches.c…
Booking Inquiries: https://stacypederson.info/contact
Mentioned: Nars Foundation: https://amzn.to/3glsX6D
Brio Logitech Camera: https://amzn.to/3v3GxRH
Ring Light: https://amzn.to/3v74LKQ
Stand for Ring Light and Also Camera: https://amzn.to/3w9mq5R
Sound Foam Panel: https://amzn.to/3pBs5PJ (WAY more than I paid. As I mentioned, I got mine on Facebook Marketplace and they are much larger.
Sound Curtains: Vocalboothtogo.com
Above is a video that gives an overview of my morning routine for when I do motivational speaking for out of state events.
I have different routines I’ve developed over time to help get me prepared for a speaking event. One for later in the day events, night events, in-state, out of -state etc.
If you are new speaker or performer who is starting to travel you will develop your own over time.
I remember googling and trying to find ANYTHING that could give me an idea of what to do when I first started traveling as a motivational speaker. I found NOTHING. That’s why I made this first video for you.
If you’d like more videos on motivational speaking, performing (behind the scenes), then you can watch the video here and subscribe to my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/StacyPederson
Kindly, Stacy P.
Stacy is a Funny Motivational Keynote Speaker who has almost died a bunch. You can read more about her here.
You thought you did pretty good when you were speaking and THEN you watched yourself back….
And now you’re googling because you hated everything you saw in your video. I’m glad you stumbled onto this blog post, because I totally understand how you feel.
First, good job for making a decision to get better instead of folding up the ‘ol laptop and quitting. Second, there is a LOT that can be worked on but for this blog post we are only focusing on 4 things.
(When you get to # 4, you’ll see why.)
So – quiet on the set – let’s get started.
1. It’s normal to hate watching yourself on camera.
Even famous actors hate themselves on camera. (Think Joaquin Phoenix storming out of an interview because they showed a clip of him. He refuses to watch himself.)
Unless you’re narcissistic, you don’t normally stare at yourself all day long every day to know what you actually look and sound like. You’re just walking around being you. When you see yourself on camera it’s a shock because you had no idea you look, sounded, or acted that way. And now you’re mortified. Don’t be.
I had an acting coach give me this wonderful advice that I still use to this day. Watch yourself five times. During those five times, stare at your nose, balk at your voice, etc. Get all the cringyness out of everything you see and don’t like about yourself.
THEN, when you’re sick of watching yourself, it’s time to now focus on the message.
Is the message you are conveying important?
Does it come across well? (Not you – the message.)
Is it helpful to someone who may watch it?
If the answer is, “yes” then it’s time to send it out into the world.
One of the key factors in speaking better on camera is nothing unique or new. It’s good old fashion practice. I know you would love to be perfect and polished the very first time you create a video or present virtually on camera. The truth is, you need to give yourself space and time to grow. This means risking being awkward or embarrassing.
Let’s just say, you are, in fact, truly horrible when speaking on camera. Then get focused, keep reading, practicing, learning and get help to get your first few videos off the ground.
2. Don’t stare at yourself on the screen while speaking, stare THROUGH the camera lens.
We get (or at least I get) distracted and want to stare at myself on Zoom or whatever platform I am speaking or recording on. I also stare at the people who are talking to me.
First, it’s ok to stare at the people talking to you on the screen.
However, when it’s your turn to answer or start speaking, deliver it “straight to the camera”. Aka through the camera lens. (Not to the lens. There is a different energy in the eyes when looking at something vs. through something.)Click to tweet
Sounds ideal, however, if you’ve ever tried to take a group photo there’s always someone staring off into la la land. It’s not easy for your eyes to go back and forth and catch the lens. It’s also not easy to focus on one place for a long period of time.
I know it can be hard to suddenly stare at a lens, while speaking AND present well. It can be very jolting trying to keep your eyes focused on ONE thing while doing everything else your mind, body and voice are doing.
One thing I did to get outside of my head and stare at one place was to use sticky notes. I’d place a brightly colored sticky note on a kitchen cabinet, or my office wall. Then practice speaking/staring at it. When I was in the kitchen. I would also cook and clean. Why? If I had to stop and think, it meant I didn’t know my material well enough.
It simply takes practice to train your eyes not to roam all over the place or stare off to the side when you fall back into the thoughts. The more you “train” for it the easier it will become. I promise if you practice enough, you’ll eventually get to a place where you won’t ever think about it anymore.
3. If the fabric on your outfit looks like your Grandmother’s curtains, you probably shouldn’t wear it on camera.
The easier you make it for your audience to focus on you while speaking, the better and more apt they are to pay attention longer. If you are blending into a busy background, or your shirt looks like it belongs in the North Pole, you’re making it harder for audiences’ eyes to stay on you while you are speaking.
Think simple. Simple fabrics. Simple colors. Simple backgrounds. This makes YOU pop. This doesn’t mean “neutral” it means simple. You can wear a bright blue shirt, or a solid purple, etc. One color is best.
Perhaps minus the crazy expression…..
I have a bright background and a bright outfit, but it’s only 2 colors. I also wear red lipstick even though it doesn’t match that great. It makes it easier for the audience to stare at me and pay attention.
-Birds, Bees and Blooms: No
-Loud patterns: Nope
-Shirts or hats with logos: Only if you have the companies permission
-Layers: Including scarves, jackets, hoodies – anything with lots of fabric: No
-Plunging necklines or open shirts: Please don’t.
-Neutrals: Maybe, but it has to stand out from your background
-All Black: Maybe, but not advised.
-Red: Maybe. but only if it’s your branding.
-Solid colors: Yep
-Simple fabrics: Yep
-Interesting necklines but not a lot of bling: Yep.
My biggest advice is to pay attention to commercials. You will almost always see very simple colors and plain shirts. They match the other actors or the set behind them in complimentary colors, not the same color. This helps you see their smile. (Commercials are all about the smile.)
You can also see upscale solid color outfit ideas by watching a soap opera. Honestly, I don’t even know what still exists out there, but they usually have upscale solids on with simple jewelry. Basically, if you want to present better on camera spend all day in front of the tv watching soap operas. Just don’t skip the commercials.
4. DON’T BE BORING!!! Connect with your audience emotionally.
You may think they all are on pins and needles ready to hear your content, but they’re actually not. Sigh. I know….not what you wanted to hear.
The only way to keep your audience – is to relate to your audience. How do you relate to your audience? You connect with them emotionally. How do you connect with your audience emotionally? Glad you asked. Move on to paragraph #2.
Stories, images, humor, questions, these are all a GREAT places to start.
I want you to think about your favorite movie. I am guessing that the movie made you “feel” something. Whether that was an adrenalin rush, punched you in the gut kind of “moving”, or left you feeling warm and fuzzy.
The content was also of interest to you. Whether it was a period piece, a war zone, or a balcony in New York with two lonely people. you liked the information and setting that came with it.
You already have your content.
How do you add emotional aspects to your videos or virtual presentations? It’s listed in a few sentences above. Stories, images, humor, questions, etc..
Here are some examples of openings that can get your audience connected with you. These are not “virtual” examples, but the concept is relevant:
Humor: This one is mine. The first 5 minutes as my opener. My audience was all women, and the event was billed as a, “Mom’s Night Out”.
This is important because your opener works amazing if you tailor it to who your audience is. I would not give this opener in a tech conference or a leadership training on grit.
Here is an example of the use of a questions to get your audience engaged. This is Simon Sinek’s famous Ted talk that starts with a series of questions. The questions require the audience to draw up images and memory, which also draws out emotion. You will see this strategy used a lot in Ted Talks.
The use of Apple brings the apple image logo to mind. Martin Luther King, JR., draws up memories – which draws out emotion.
Here is the use of literal emotion within storytelling. This is Brene Brown’s infamous Ted Talk on vulnerability. Her opener starts with a story where she literally labels feelings out loud. This helps the audience emotionally connect, because they feel those feelings, too. It also makes her more relatable because she is expressing her humanness and showing her literal vulnerability.
Finally, images. Slides with data do very little for audience engagement and audience retention. The odds of them remembering those facts a few days after your virtual presentation is not high. However, if an emotional image is attached, the concept or fact is much more likely to stay in their minds.
Here are some examples of photos I use instead of stats or quotes. Each of them evokes an emotion with the image.
I use this image sometimes as an opener for my Stress talk.
This image is used in regards to the scientific proof of the power of positive relationships. Rather than give stats, I show this. This is easier to remember and more powerful, emotionally, compared to numbers.
Don’t we all sometimes? This photo is used when I speak on difficult relationships, including those in the workplace. It puts a slightly humorous spin on a negative experience or emotion we all have felt or been through.
Overwhelm. Burnout. If the audience has felt the way this woman has in the picture, they are more apt to pay attention to the solutions, compared to me giving stats on workplace burnout and why it’s costing money.
This image points out the “elephant in the room”. When I talk about accepting change in the workplace or starting something new and positive in your life, the truth is most of us feel overwhelmed on where to start. This image gives “sight” to that feeling so we can talk about how to overcome it
Strong word of advice. Do NOT steal images off of google or any other website/platform, etc. Purchase the rights to use them or take photos yourself. These are all adobe photos I have purchased, or have done on my own. Be ethical in your business. It pays off in the long run…
Why have I camped out so much on #4 on connecting emotionally? Because if you go back to tip #1, it’s really not about you when it comes to presenting or speaking on camera. It’s not about your hair or your background – it’s about the heart of your message and conveying that to the people you are trying to help in the best way possible.
By improving your speaking techniques on camera, whether that’s for an online course, YouTube or a live virtual presentation,
keeping your audience needs at the forefront of all you do will make you a powerful, effective speaker.Click to tweet
Want more tips? Get your FREE “10 Easy Ways to Look Good and Feel Great on Camera”.
You can purchase my online course here: “How to Be Good on Camera: An Easy Guide to Looking Good & Feeling Great on Video”.
2020 has been a year of exhaustion, refocus, more exhaustion, more refocus. Pivoting. Being paralyzed. Stressing. Relaxing. Sleeping more. Stressing more. And frankly wondering what in the heck I’m doing.
In quarantine I’ve been like hamster on a wheel. 1,000% in a cage. Going a hundred miles an hour with nowhere to go. The industry I work in vanished overnight. I found the need to create a new “income stream”. Hence the pivoting, refocus, paralysis….At the end, I’ve accomplished very little.
I “should” have handled it better. After all, I know how to do this. Embrace change. Deal with elements I’m not in control of. Live with the fear of losing a lot. I got this down.
And I do “handle it” considering I’ve been down this road before. With all my lack of grace and competency in 2020, I have remembered and held on to something very important.
The greatest lesson I learned in my past trek of getting sick, almost dying, living in financial straits, having PTSD and struggling with depression (how’s that for a positive sentence) is this:
In the abundance of fear, illness, lack of control, and stress, many of us have had to face scarcity for the first time in our lives. Scarcity of toilet paper beginning in March, scarcity of space in our homes, scarcity of jobs, scarcity of time, scarcity of support and scarcity of security/stability.
The tendency to hoard, to hold on, to hide out when things are scarce is a natural reaction. Recognizing the abundance you still have is a way to release some of the fear. Release some of the stress.
Abundance helps you release that tight grasp. Abundance helps you move towards a more open heart. A more open hand to give.
In the old days (pre-2020) we didn’t recognize all that we had. It was almost grotesque how much we took for granted. We walked into grocery store and got whatever we wanted, paid our bills, sent our kids to school while we worked, met with friends, watched sports, ate out on Tuesday…Wednesday…pretty much any day so we didn’t have to cook.
Yet we complained because, with all we had, we were still discontent.
Then came 2020. With it came scarcity. We crammed into our houses and had to look at the people we lived with in the eye. Some for the first time in a long time. We looked at the décor on our walls and the items shoved in the back of our closets. We looked at our emails and the news wondering if our jobs were next. We looked at the food we ate, the shows we watched, and the photos of the people we missed. We took a long hard look at our life.
With the lack of space, time, friendships and freedom we began to learn a very important lesson. A lesson contrary to every success book, every entrepreneur “secrets to being amazing”, every advertisement trying to entice us to buy more. A lesson I learned in a hospital bed.
Let me repeat that: Life happens in the small.
-Homeschooling your kids while you worked and finding that little bit of heaven when nobody bothered you in the bathroom for 10 whole minutes. A small thing that meant so much.
-When loneliness crept in and your dog or cat hopped on your lap and looked you in the eye telling you there’s not just you. With him or her there’s always two.
-When taking a walk in the fresh air and open spaces lifted our butts off the bed and our mood in ways we never noticed before. A small thing that changed our whole day.
-When your paycheck came it held more significance. That job you hated was a lifeline you didn’t know you had.
-The phone or zoom call from family or friends – now took top priority.
-When the holidays came and you remembered eating your Grandma’s meal as a child. A small moment in the grand scheme of your life. But now the memories and the meaning hold such sweet abundance.
-Your health meant more. Having 8 rolls of toilet paper meant more. Watching your kids actually grow in front of your literal eyes. It all means more.
-There’s been abundance in our scarcity. Because we are forced to notice all the things we took for granted and missed.
When you think of the happiest moments of your life-most are in the small. Playing outside with your friends until dark. Driving in the front seat of your dad’s pick-up truck. The first time he or she caught your eye. Playing in the snow. Watching the waves. Getting your first small promotion. Laughing uncontrollably with someone you loved. This is where life happened. In the small.
In 2020 we’ve been faced with scarcity which has caused us to live in the small. This is where the abundance of real life-the good, the bad, and meaningful- all happens.
My hope is as life moves forward into 2021 and we find ourselves in something new, yet all too familiar, that we each remember the lessons we’ve learned. For so long we blindly believed the lie that more is always better. Bigger house, better job, more money, better body. Push harder. Be more. Do more.
May we remember what it meant to be squashed in a house full of people we loved and hated and loved some more. May we remember the value of having a small bowl of soup with someone special that far outweighs a fancy meal in a room full of people we don’t know. May we remember the value of a paycheck our hard work brings. May we remember the feeling of gratitude of having good health. May we remember all the small moments, all the small gifts, that made our life abundant in all the scarcity.
May we remember that a good, happy, abundant and meaningful life always hapens in the small.Click to tweet
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Stacy Pederson is a funny motivational Keynote Speaker, who’s almost died a bunch.
Quarantine has been a challenge for many of us. If you are feeling lonely during quarantine, I made this video for you.
Has the 2020 election gotten you filled with anxiety or uncertainty? These 7 tips will help you feel better about life no matter who is elected. For those of you who know me-this video isn’t super funny-but hopefully super helpful.
Do you find yourself being swept up in the election and post-election drama because X candidate is winning or has won? Well, then this video is for you. We’re going to go over seven things to help reframe the way you’re thinking to help ground you and get you out of that post-election anxiety. Before we begin, please like, subscribe, and share if you find this video helpful.
Okay. First of all, I do have to confess that I am filming this on Monday, the day before the election, because I’m smart. I’m actually having surgery on Tuesday, which is a really smart thing to do because I will be knocked out cold. Then, the following few days I will be on prescription narcotics, which means I’m not going to care what’s happening in the world for those days. Should this video be tone deaf, I will take it down but I have a feeling it won’t be regardless of who wins or what happens.
First thing is, number one, is to stop the catastrophic thinking. Okay. You hear it from either side, whichever candidate wins, they have this catastrophic end of the world thinking like, “Oh my gosh, we’re going to be led by a dictator or Hitler and there’s going to be dead babies in the street. Everything we know is over because X candidate has won. The world is over.”
My question to you is, is it though? Is the world really over? Here’s what I want you to do. Just work with me, I know nobody really wants to do this but just try this. I want you to put your feet squarely on the ground and take a deep breath. Seriously, do it. Put your feet on the ground, take a deep breath. Okay. Now look down at your feet. Do you have feet? Do you have legs? Do you have hands that work? Obviously, your heart is beating and your brain is working because you wouldn’t be watching this video.
Now I want you to look around. Are you out of the cold? Do you have a place that if it rains you’re not going to get wet? Have you eaten today? Do you have people in your house that you love, whether that’s a pet or a friend? Do you have people in your life that contribute positive things to you that you could reach out to? When you look out the window, do you see the sun or the rain or the trees? Is the mountain still there, is the ocean still there? If it is, the world is not over. Okay? That is catastrophic thinking. No matter what candidate wins, the world doesn’t care, nature’s still moving on like nothing happened because it’s not that big of a deal.
Number two, because that just leads us right into number two, is don’t give your power away. When you do the catastrophic thinking of, “Oh my gosh, the world has ended and now this candidate is going to blah, blah, blah.” No. Who’s responsible for your life? You. Really, the only thing you have control over with the politics is to vote and if you care about a certain aspect of policies or whatever’s happening then you can peacefully protest or help write new laws and become involved in that sense. If you’re just sitting at home, really, you’re giving your power away by saying your life is ruined because X candidate won. You are responsible for you and the actions that you take from morning ’til night, that’s on you.
That leads us right into number three which is, “Hey, guess what, American citizens, we’re not that special.” I know. Shocker. We’re not the center of the universe. Sometimes us US citizens are really narcissistic but the truth is we’re not that special. For thousands of years, since the beginning of time, there has been some pretty hideous leaders, probably more bad leaders than good leaders. Terrible kings and dictators and all those things and guess what? People still fell in love. Babies were still born. Music was still made in song. Art was still created. Literature was still written. Science was still progressed despite bad leadership.
Really, when you think about, “Hey, how much does the government have to do with my day-to-day life? Unless you’re a conspiracy theorist and you’re like, “They dictate everything.” No, they don’t, you do. It’s just no matter who’s in charge and what policies change you have the capacity to still live a good life because this has been going on since the beginning of time. It’s not that big of a deal. We’re not that special to somehow miss having bad leaders once in a while.
Which leads me to number four, is that nostalgia is not real. What I mean by that is, I don’t know about your grandparents but I would hear, “Kids these days. Back when I was a kid, we never blah, blah, blah.” You hear that now. We’re like, “Our country was so amazing since the beginning, blah, blah, blah, and now it’s in ruins.” No. Our country was never perfect awesome ever, since the time it was created. I live in Colorado and there’s trails that are littered with dead bodies, graves of pioneers who came over here and they all died in their mid-thirties of the flu or childbirth or starvation.
There was saloons and there were whore for houses, and that was in the United States of America. Look what we did at the native Americans. We had slavery, we fought Wars. We’ve been through The Great Depression. We have not always been so amazing and awesome. We always have had ups and downs. This whole nostalgia that our country’s gone to pot isn’t exactly accurate. We have it pretty good compared to where we were 200 years ago in a lot of ways.
Which leads me to number five, and that is to nix the all or nothing thinking. What I mean by that is that naturally we like to think we’re right so I’m right and you’re wrong. I’m good and you’re bad or you’re evil. When it comes to the political parties, you hear that over again. “All Democrats are straight from the devil, all Republicans are backwoods idiots. No, they’re not. There are good Democrats and bad Democrats, and there are good Republicans and bad Republicans. There’s good policies on each side and bad policies on the other. This whole it’s all or nothing, it’s my way or no way is really emotionally an unintelligent way to think. It really is, because you and I, we all have good in us, we all have bad in us and that’s just the way the world works.
That leads me really into number six, which is because when we get into this all or nothing thinking, we’re like, “My way’s the right way,” there’s just a lot of anger there and you see that over and over again, especially this election, all this anger. Anger has never convinced anyone of anything. Have you ever in your life thought, “Wow, you’re so angry. I totally am convinced now because of your anger.” Never. Whenever somebody’s angry you’re like, “Okay, that person’s a jerk, I want nothing to do with them. You shut down and you no longer listen to them. All this screaming and yelling, whether you’re doing it on Facebook and calling people names, and Twitter, and no one’s listening because everybody’s angry, that really comes from that all or nothing thinking.
When you recognize that there are good to both parties and there’s rationalization to each side, whether you choose to agree with it or not but you can respect people’s differences, that’s when we can unite and come together as a country. Don’t use anger and don’t use that all or nothing. You’re not perfect, I’m not perfect, one party’s not perfect, the other party’s not perfect. Same with whoever is the president, whoever gets elected.
That leads me to number seven, which is to check your motives. What I mean by that is a lot of us contribute to the chaos, I do too sometimes. This potentially could be contributing to the chaos but I really think that through a lot when I talk about something controversial. I really weigh in how much of my do I really believe in this to contribute. What I mean is, if you’re doing these nasty Facebook posts like, “The world’s now over my candidate didn’t win and now they’re going to dah, dah, dah.” You’re posting conspiracy theories, just a lot of hate and anger or despair, you’re contributing to the chaos. I’m asking you why, why do you want to do that? Is it to make yourself look smarter than other people? Is it just to vent or can you contribute to the solution, which is being positive and doing good and kind things to make positive change.
Really, so my solution for that, and really for all of this is not to get swept up because I’m going to recap here. Just hang on, I’m going to recap. Is Not to get swept up but, finally, do good things. This is kind of like a number eight bonus. Just do good things. You will never regret being kind, ever. How many times have you regretted being angry? You will never regret being kind and doing positive things for other people, ever. It’s always the opposite. When you’re selfish and mean and it’s your way you regret that?
Let’s recap. How do you deal with this anxiety? Gratitude. When I walked you through putting your feet on the floor and looking at your legs and is my heart still beating and is the world still turning, that is practicing gratitude. When the world feels really out of control you have to start really, really small like, is the sun still shining? Is the world still turning? Do I have food? Do I have my own toothbrush? That is gratitude. That right there is one of the number one ways to help you calm down and then really taking personal responsibility.
When I said you’re giving too much of your power away, what I mean is take personal responsibility for your life. Again, practice gratitude, take personal responsibility for your own life rather than blaming everything on the government or thinking the government’s going to change everything for you. They’re not. Just remember big picture thinking, so when I said we’re not that special and nostalgia isn’t real, that’s big picture thinking. When you look in the big picture, you’re like, “Oh yeah, I guess it’s not as big of a deal as I’m making it in the moment because this has happened for hundreds of years and thousands of years and so forth.”
Really, just that all or nothing thinking, it’s really about contributing good things and kindness. It’s being open and to other people’s point of views, whether you agree with it or not, it’s just respecting that not everybody is like you. When you live like I’m right and everybody’s taking things away from me, you live like this, and I don’t want to live like that. I don’t know about you, I want to live like this, open and kind and loving to new opportunities, to new relationships, to new people, to a good and positive life. That comes from being open-hearted whether I agree with you or not, but that I respect you in a kind and loving way. I don’t know who’s going to win but I hope this video helps. Just, you got this, it’s going to be okay.
Been home a while? Wondering why you haven’t lost that weight, started that side hustle or wrote that book? This quick video explains why.