It’s not supposed to happen like that. When you suffer, your kids’ are supposed to get a free pass in life.
You took on the hardships, therefore they shouldn’t have to.
This is the “world according to Stacy”.
My daughter, Kathryne, has struggled with pain and fatigue since she was 16 years old. She’s been in and out of the ER. They did surgery last August on her ovaries.
This past February, her blood work tested positive for auto immune disease.
I was not happy. (To put it mildly.)
I told God that I found this to be highly inappropriate and unnecessary. I also shared that it hurt my feelings. I went through a lot, therefore my kids should not have to. Period. End of sentence. Then I wanted to give Him the silent treatment.
He was annoying because the more I pouted and put my hand up (literally-“talk to the hand” moment), He showed me it wasn’t my battle.
I had memories of my daughter, Kathryne, running around with her play-dough, paint, and crayons. She had boundless energy. Never slept. Soooo verbal she could repeat the alphabet by 18 months.
Her and my son fought since his birth. She ran over him with her doll stroller the very first time I laid him on the floor as a newborn. They fought fiercely, laughed fiercely, and always had each other’s backs.
She always loved the garden. She loved the kitchen. She loved picking fruits and veggies out of fields and going to the farmer’s market. She loved animals. She cried for days when a tractor ran over a waterbirds nest she had discovered and checked on daily at the age of 7. The eggs were crushed. She was crushed. I knew then I probably had a vegetarian on my hands.
She was fascinated by natural medicine. Spent her money on books. Tried nutrition school, but the professor refused to accept her accommodations with her dyslexia. The reading and constant harsh grading on her spelling became too much.
She was always stubborn but loyal. Loud but sensitive. Exciting but pensive. Social but suffered from severe homesickness. Bossy but giving.
She was her own. Honestly, that’s all I ever wanted for her from the get go. To be comfortable and feel loved as her true self.
After my illness, her Dad’s illness, she and her brother were not meant to suffer anything physical. Both her parents had taken on that so they wouldn’t have to. She was raised organic with a daily requirement of going outside to “get sun on her bones”.
This is what God showed me. Of all the people to struggle with an unknown diagnosis/cure, Kathryne was out of the box with food and medicine. She was stubborn and would try things on her own and never let a “we don’t know” stop her. In all of it, she would be able to give voice to her health journey through her art.
I’m still mad about it, though. I don’t like it. It’s uncomfortable. I think it’s unfair. I can’t fix it for her, and this is a problem for me. [tweet_box design=”default” float=”none”]A problem of keeping my hands off when my heart is all in.[/tweet_box]
[tweet_box design=”default” float=”none”]Being a parent is brutal. So good. So hard. It brings out the unbelievable -didn’t know you had it in you – best in you. And the worst part of you, you also didn’t know existed.[/tweet_box]
There’s nothing more I wouldn’t love then to keep my kids in a nice fenced area away from all harm in life. Cute and cozy. However, I know they’d be parked at the fence trying to figure out how to get over it or through it, so I have to remember to leave the gate open.
I remind them on their journey to eat and drink water, be careful about those they choose to journey with, and if they need me I’ll come get them. However as they become, adults I mostly just watch them walk. Sometimes they stumble. In this case, I feel like a boulder fell on my daughter. I can rush to help, but eventually she’ll have to choose to get up and walk with a limp on her own.
And to that I say to God: “NOOOT FAIR!”
[tweet_box design=”default” float=”none”]To love is to feel hurt. To love is to feel fear. To love is to share joy. To love is to give without measure. To love is to accept. To love is flat out uncomfortable sometimes.[/tweet_box]
Children shouldn’t hurt. (OK she’s 22, but children shouldn’t hurt….)
[tweet_box design=”default” float=”none”]I don’t have a tidy bow for this. I don’t have grand words of wisdom. Other than, as parents, when we “give life”, we get a life. A reason beyond ourselves to dig deep and try and do better. We risk. We rush. We protect. We put all of ourselves- and more- out there.[/tweet_box]
Kathryne’s the right person, and equipped with certain giftings, that make her a person who can do this next chapter with her health. 
Stacy is the wrong mom to act like it’s fine and be ok with it. I’ll come around because she’ll do great things.
I’ll come around because it’s not my story. It’s hers and God’s.
All great leaders walk with a limp.
[tweet_box design=”default” float=”none”]Learn. Lead. Love. And let go. The cycle of life and the cycle of parenting.[/tweet_box]
I’m still not happy about it, though…
Stacy Pederson is a Funny Motivational Speaker who has almost died a bunch.
