working mom Archives - Stacy Pederson

Because I Have it all Together, and Other Lies I Want You to Believe About Me

My Child’s Diagnosis – Why I’m Not “Happy” About It

It’s not supposed to happen like that. When you suffer, your kids’ are supposed to get a free pass in life.

You took on the hardships, therefore they shouldn’t have to.

This is the “world according to Stacy”.

My daughter, Kathryne, has struggled with pain and fatigue since she was 16 years old. She’s been in and out of the ER. They did surgery last August on her ovaries.

This past February, her blood work tested positive for auto immune disease.

I was not happy. (To put it mildly.)

I told God that I found this to be highly inappropriate and unnecessary. I also shared that it hurt my feelings. I went through a lot, therefore my kids should not have to. Period. End of sentence. Then I wanted to give Him the silent treatment.

He was annoying because the more I pouted and put my hand up (literally-“talk to the hand” moment), He showed me it wasn’t my battle.

I had memories of my daughter, Kathryne, running around with her play-dough, paint, and crayons. She had boundless energy. Never slept. Soooo verbal she could repeat the alphabet by 18 months.

Her and my son fought since his birth. She ran over him with her doll stroller the very first time I laid him on the floor as a newborn. They fought fiercely, laughed fiercely, and always had each other’s backs.

She always loved the garden. She loved the kitchen. She loved picking fruits and veggies out of fields and going to the farmer’s market. She loved animals. She cried for days when a tractor ran over a waterbirds nest she had discovered and checked on daily at the age of 7. The eggs were crushed. She was crushed. I knew then I probably had a vegetarian on my hands.

She was fascinated by natural medicine. Spent her money on books. Tried nutrition school, but the professor refused to accept her accommodations with her dyslexia. The reading and constant harsh grading on her spelling became too much.

She was always stubborn but loyal. Loud but sensitive. Exciting but pensive. Social but suffered from severe homesickness. Bossy but giving.

She was her own. Honestly, that’s all I ever wanted for her from the get go. To be comfortable and feel loved as her true self.

After my illness, her Dad’s illness, she and her brother were not meant to suffer anything physical. Both her parents had taken on that so they wouldn’t have to. She was raised organic with a daily requirement of going outside to “get sun on her bones”.

This is what God showed me. Of all the people to struggle with an unknown diagnosis/cure, Kathryne was out of the box with food and medicine. She was stubborn and would try things on her own and never let a “we don’t know” stop her. In all of it, she would be able to give voice to her health journey through her art.

I’m still mad about it, though. I don’t like it. It’s uncomfortable. I think it’s unfair. I can’t fix it for her, and this is a problem for me.

A problem of keeping my hands off when my heart is all in.

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Being a parent is brutal. So good. So hard. It brings out the unbelievable -didn’t know you had it in you – best in you. And the worst part of you, you also didn’t know existed.

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There’s nothing more I wouldn’t love then to keep my kids in a nice fenced area away from all harm in life. Cute and cozy. However, I know they’d be parked at the fence trying to figure out how to get over it or through it, so I have to remember to leave the gate open.

I remind them on their journey to eat and drink water, be careful about those they choose to journey with, and if they need me I’ll come get them. However as they become, adults I mostly just watch them walk. Sometimes they stumble. In this case, I feel like a boulder fell on my daughter. I can rush to help, but eventually she’ll have to choose to get up and walk with a limp on her own.

And to that I say to God: “NOOOT FAIR!”

To love is to feel hurt. To love is to feel fear. To love is to share joy. To love is to give without measure. To love is to accept. To love is flat out uncomfortable sometimes.

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Children shouldn’t hurt. (OK she’s 22, but children shouldn’t hurt….)

I don’t have a tidy bow for this. I don’t have grand words of wisdom. Other than, as parents, when we “give life”, we get a life. A reason beyond ourselves to dig deep and try and do better. We risk. We rush. We protect. We put all of ourselves- and more- out there.

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Kathryne’s the right person, and equipped with certain giftings, that make her a person who can do this next chapter with her health.

Stacy is the wrong mom to act like it’s fine and be ok with it. I’ll come around because she’ll do great things.

I’ll come around because it’s not my story. It’s hers and God’s.

All great leaders walk with a limp.

Learn. Lead. Love. And let go. The cycle of life and the cycle of parenting.

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I’m still not happy about it, though…

Stacy Pederson is a Funny Motivational Speaker who has almost died a bunch.

https://stacypederson.info

The One Important Lesson 2020 Has Taught Us That Will Change Your Life

2020 has been a year of exhaustion, refocus, more exhaustion, more refocus. Pivoting. Being paralyzed. Stressing. Relaxing. Sleeping more. Stressing more. And frankly wondering what in the heck I’m doing.

In quarantine I’ve been like hamster on a wheel. 1,000% in a cage. Going a hundred miles an hour with nowhere to go. The industry I work in vanished overnight. I found the need to create a new “income stream”. Hence the pivoting, refocus, paralysis….At the end, I’ve accomplished very little.

I “should” have handled it better. After all, I know how to do this. Embrace change. Deal with elements I’m not in control of. Live with the fear of losing a lot. I got this down.

And I do “handle it” considering I’ve been down this road before. With all my lack of grace and competency in 2020, I have remembered and held on to something very important.

The greatest lesson I learned in my past trek of getting sick, almost dying, living in financial straits, having PTSD and struggling with depression (how’s that for a positive sentence) is this:

There’s Always Abundance in Scarcity.
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In the abundance of fear, illness, lack of control, and stress, many of us have had to face scarcity for the first time in our lives. Scarcity of toilet paper beginning in March, scarcity of space in our homes, scarcity of jobs, scarcity of time, scarcity of support and scarcity of security/stability.

The tendency to hoard, to hold on, to hide out when things are scarce is a natural reaction. Recognizing the abundance you still have is a way to release some of the fear. Release some of the stress.

Abundance helps you release that tight grasp. Abundance helps you move towards a more open heart. A more open hand to give.

In the old days (pre-2020) we didn’t recognize all that we had. It was almost grotesque how much we took for granted. We walked into grocery store and got whatever we wanted, paid our bills, sent our kids to school while we worked, met with friends, watched sports, ate out on Tuesday…Wednesday…pretty much any day so we didn’t have to cook.

Yet we complained because, with all we had, we were still discontent.

Then came 2020. With it came scarcity. We crammed into our houses and had to look at the people we lived with in the eye. Some for the first time in a long time. We looked at the décor on our walls and the items shoved in the back of our closets. We looked at our emails and the news wondering if our jobs were next. We looked at the food we ate, the shows we watched, and the photos of the people we missed. We took a long hard look at our life.

With the lack of space, time, friendships and freedom we began to learn a very important lesson. A lesson contrary to every success book, every entrepreneur “secrets to being amazing”, every advertisement trying to entice us to buy more. A lesson I learned in a hospital bed.

Life happens in the small.

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Let me repeat that: Life happens in the small.

-Homeschooling your kids while you worked and finding that little bit of heaven when nobody bothered you in the bathroom for 10 whole minutes. A small thing that meant so much.

-When loneliness crept in and your dog or cat hopped on your lap and looked you in the eye telling you there’s not just you. With him or her there’s always two.

-When taking a walk in the fresh air and open spaces lifted our butts off the bed and our mood in ways we never noticed before. A small thing that changed our whole day.

-When your paycheck came it held more significance. That job you hated was a lifeline you didn’t know you had.

-The phone or zoom call from family or friends – now took top priority.

-When the holidays came and you remembered eating your Grandma’s meal as a child. A small moment in the grand scheme of your life. But now the memories and the meaning hold such sweet abundance.

-Your health meant more. Having 8 rolls of toilet paper meant more. Watching your kids actually grow in front of your literal eyes. It all means more.

-There’s been abundance in our scarcity. Because we are forced to notice all the things we took for granted and missed.

When you think of the happiest moments of your life-most are in the small. Playing outside with your friends until dark. Driving in the front seat of your dad’s pick-up truck. The first time he or she caught your eye. Playing in the snow. Watching the waves. Getting your first small promotion. Laughing uncontrollably with someone you loved. This is where life happened. In the small.

In 2020 we’ve been faced with scarcity which has caused us to live in the small. This is where the abundance of real life-the good, the bad, and meaningful- all happens.

My hope is as life moves forward into 2021 and we find ourselves in something new, yet all too familiar, that we each remember the lessons we’ve learned. For so long we blindly believed the lie that more is always better. Bigger house, better job, more money, better body. Push harder. Be more. Do more.

But more led us to having less.
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May we remember what it meant to be squashed in a house full of people we loved and hated and loved some more. May we remember the value of having a small bowl of soup with someone special that far outweighs a fancy meal in a room full of people we don’t know. May we remember the value of a paycheck our hard work brings. May we remember the feeling of gratitude of having good health. May we remember all the small moments, all the small gifts, that made our life abundant in all the scarcity.

May we remember that a good, happy, abundant and meaningful life always hapens in the small.

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Stacy Pederson is a funny motivational Keynote Speaker, who’s almost died a bunch.

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Easy Questionnaire to Help You Find Your “Uniquity”

Are you A or B?

Do you know who you are? Do you have a clear direction of where your life is headed? Do you wake up each morning knowing your life “plan” or “purpose”, which allows you to overcome difficult obstacles? Do you know what calms you down when you are stressed? Do you know what makes you happy?
Do you feel clouded, confused, burnt out, or that you’re simply floating or surviving through life?

Continue reading “Easy Questionnaire to Help You Find Your “Uniquity””

How to Write Your Blog When You Don’t “Feel” Like It

Let me know when you figure it out, because this blog posts shows I haven’t.

The End

Stacy Pederson is a funny motivational speaker…which is ironic when it comes to motivation. When Stacy’s not blogging, she can be found in Colorado overeating, sleeping and feeling guilty about all of it. You can learn more about her dysfunction at: StacyPederson.com.

Stop Being Your Own Worst Co-Worker/ Boss

Have you ever worked with someone who consistently failed to complete her tasks for the week?

-She couldn’t find the time to get her email opt-in page completed?

-She was too busy to write the next chapter of her book?

-She was working too hard and completely forgot to put together her webinar presentation?

It wouldn’t take long before you sat her down for a serious talk about the future of your working relationship—and her business?

-Even worse- have you ever had a boss or co-worker who slept in and showed up shockingly late as if it were no big deal?

Continue reading “Stop Being Your Own Worst Co-Worker/ Boss”

A Christmas Wish

As a funny female speaker, I get to perform a lot, but it’s always so wonderful to have the opportunity to go back to my acting “roots”. I was very thankful to be a part of this project. I believe in the message.

How to Be Happy- Dealing With People Who Are Condescending

Do you have someone in you’re life who you’re never quit sure if they’re being naughty or nice? Someone who says potentially hurtful things in such a polite, smiley way, you can’t tell if they’re being genuinely helpful or hurtful? If they’re being condescending or giving a compliment? Do you ever have that moment where you’re taken aback because you honestly don’t know how to take what was just said?

I do. I’ve never been quick on my feet when it comes to people’s intentions. I tend to see people through a positive lens. Sometimes it’s YEARS later before I finally come to the recognition-that person was actually being a jerk. What!!??

Perhaps it’s a blessing I’m slow on the uptake. Why? I’m even slower in the moment with a comeback. I’m one of those who, months later at 2 a.m., my head pops of the pillow with the most brilliant reply. Then I have what I call my “Comeback Fantasy” where I get to visualize the entire conversation with me saying what I wish I could have said. And-not to brag or anything-but in my fantasy-I’m freakin’ brilliant.

So what do you do when you have one of those condescending people in your life (assuming you’re forced to be around them by blood, business, or your other BFF’s).

Keep Calm-Smile On:

-Some people honestly have no idea how they come across. Continue reading “How to Be Happy- Dealing With People Who Are Condescending”

35 Things for Your Kids to Do in the Summer While You’re Working

If there is ever a season for zero productivity, internal rage, self doubt, lack of self control, and overall inadequacy as a Mom-preneur (work from home Mom who is an entrepreneur) -it would be summer. Summertime at my house begins with visions of my children in summer dresses frolicking freely in a flowered meadow. Me- smiling as I watch them contently while sitting on a hand knit wool blanket from Ireland with my laptop resting softly in the shade and money flowing freely into my bank account. Reality usually sets in sometime within the first week of summer. Reality includes screaming matches through closed doors at my kids….and me ingesting one….ok sometime two…entire bags of BBQ potato chips while getting some…a little…ok sometimes ZERO work done in an entire day.

I work from home…thankfully….unfortunately…(My kids would give you that exact same response.) Below is my typical summer work day I have expertly honed through the years:

-Go to Wal-Mart. Spend a fortune to have a “cheap” summer. Items include bubbles, sprinklers, plastic baseball bats, bug catchers, sidewalk chalk, kites, and any other shiny bright object that appears to have more than 10 minutes of entertainment value. All items must be foldable, collapsible, etc., as they will end up in a filthy heap in my garage that no one will touch after the first week of June.

-Create schedules, sticker charts, “mommy’s working” note for my office door

-Explain to the children the “rules” of when they can bother me and when they can’t

-Make a calendar of all the fun things we will do when Mommy’s not working

-Close my office door to work…and listen to the children start to fight

-Open the door to find out what’s going on. Get them re-situated. Close the office door and listen to them fight.

-Open the door and bring out a new shiny bright object for them to play with

-Close the door and listen to them play for 2 seconds…then fight

-Open the door, yell, slam something new down on the table for them to play with

-Close the door and listen to them complain that they’re bored

-Open the door, kick them outside

-Close the door and watch them fight outside my office window

-Open the window, scream at them to stop fighting because the neighbors can hear them. Close the window and watch them flop down like dejected sloths melting in summer heat and complain that they’re bored.

-Work for 2 seconds and hear a knock on my window. Listen to them ask me to come back inside. I shake my head no. Repeat 872 times.

-Let them back inside 10 minutes later and watch them collapse in a heap in front of electronics

-Close the door and feel guilty I’m working instead of spending time with my kids

-Open the door to see what they’re watching and make awkward conversation. Feel guilty that I’m spending time with my kids instead of working. Go back in my office and close the door.

-Listen to them fight over electronics. Open the door and scream at them they’re lucky they don’t live in a 3^rd world country. Give them a lecture. Make them do a chore.

-Go back in the office. Feel guilty. Stress eat. Glance at the time. It’s 9:17 am.

-Repeat hourly…for three months.

I decided I needed some work “productivity hacks” that were better than what’s previously listed when it came to keeping my kids entertained for little or no money while I worked. I did some extensive scientific research…by posting a sign on my Facebook page…for advice. Here are a few of my favorites from friends and some from “SuperMoms” on the Internet who lie about how perfect their parenting skills/home/and children are:

Library Summer Programs
Geocaching OR painting and finding rocks. Here is an example:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/300625560293159/?fref=mentions
Vacation Bible School (Lots of churches host these and they are extremely inexpensive and a lot of fun. Look for giant VBS signs when you’re driving outside church buildings.)
YMCA-(Usually have internet so you can work while kids swim, do programs, etc. Ours has a coffee shop so I can actually host meetings, too.)
Art Club
Sports Camps through non-profits
Go for evening walks
Flex your work hours to fit in fun
Hiking, biking, swimming, anything that’ll wear them out physically. J
Make summer books. (Love this.)
Use 50% off regular item coupons from craft stores.
Make slime. http://littlebinsforlittlehands.com/homemade-slime-recipe/
Have them make a movie or video with smart phone then watch at dinnertime. Let them use costumes, music, edit, etc.
Match reading hours for Youtube/Video game hours. Example: for every 30 minutes of reading-they get 1 hour of Youtube.
Set up the big tent in the living room. Let them do “camping” overnight.
Have them make homemade board game. Check Pinterest for lots of ideas.
Check local bowling alleys and skating rings for free or nearly free summer bowling programs for kids. Lots have Wi-Fi.
Free E-book for kids on Amazon
Free Lego club for kids
Home Depot, Lowes and Michaels free or nearly free classes for kids
“Photo Walk” through Apple
Microsoft Youth Spark
Whole Foods Kids Cooking Class
Bass Pro Shop Summer Camp
Chores
Volunteer to help an elderly neighbor with their yard. (Can get list of “shut-ins” from local fire department)
Search for local free or nearly free day art camps
Free summer movie nights in the park
Sprinkler
Homemade slip-n-slide
Good ol’ fashioned bubbles
Free printables for kids http://funcheaporfree.com/2016/06/100-summer-activities-for-kids-free-printable-included
Babysitting Co-op
Work while you vacation. I do this A LOT. We’ve spent over a month on the road so far this summer. There’s wifi pretty much everywhere if I need it. I schedule certain days to work where the kids are at the pool/beach, etc. and certain days for fun. OR work in mornings, play in the afternoons. I use this to book my travel: http://bucketlistvacations.tripspin.com/snap
Hire a “Mommy’s Helper” for a few hours each morning, Cheaper than a babysitter or nanny.

*Bonus: #36. Become independently wealthy. Hire 12 nannies. Fly them all to Paris with the kids for the Summer while I get numerous plastic surgery procedures done. Facetime them periodically…so I can listen to them fight. Then hang up and let the Nannies deal with it.

I have found these mindsets helpful:

-Remember kids don’t need to be “entertained” twenty-four seven. It’s good for them to figure out what to do on their own when they’re bored.

-I automatically know summer will not be my most productive months. I try to remember that when I’m feeling guilty about not getting tons done. My kids are only hear for so many years, and I want to spend time with them as much as I can…well-I MAY have moments where I want to spend time as little as I can…but for the most part-I want to be with them and I need to plan my work year accordingly.

-Boundaries are ok. It’s good to lead by example and show the kids the value of working hard. They learn by watching what you do, not by listening to what you say. If you want your kids to know how to work, you yourself have got to do it.

-Give yourself grace. We all have “Mommy Meltdowns” behind closed doors. There’s no such thing as a “SuperMom”. We’re human and we fail. That’s ok.

-Support one another in our Mommy endeavors. No haters needed. Mom’s hate themselves already. We don’t need other people pointing out our imperfections. Find a supportive group you can be real with, encourage each other and help each other out.

Now-if you’ll excuse me. I need to open my office door and yell.

Stacy Pederson is a Colorado based Humorist and Funny Motivational Speaker who is incessantly insecure with a chronic Thai Food / Netflix binge habit.

StacyPederson.com

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